I apologize if this post is not up to par with most. I feel the need to write, but haven’t been able to put into words what I want to say. That being said, I’m just writing off the cuff.
I’ve been in a bit of a slump, depressed no, sad and feeling kinda empty and lonely, yes. My introvert-ness doesn’t help. I would rather sit my home for days, keep to myself, run, read, hang out with my kids,(playing lots of uno;), than be social with just about anyone. This seems to be more the norm lately. Thing is, it isnt my norm, I really make a conscious effort to be grateful each and every day, no matter the circumstances. I choose kindness and respect, over judgement and selfishness with just about everyone I encounter, but last few weeks its been difficult to do just that. That wasn’t easy to say…. I guess even the strongest are allowed to have ‘bad’ days, weeks even….
So, if I’m being completely honest as to why I’m feeling this way, it’s because I’m missing something a lot more than I expected. My heart hurts, actually it’s broken. It hurts so much words evade me. I never planned on feeling this way…
That being said, I do have faith that my higher power has my back and knows what is best. This gives me the hope and strength to keep my head up and smile, even in the most difficult hours or days. I am allowed to feel the way I do, I just can’t stay here forever, God knows I don’t want too either!!
I am most grateful for my tools given to me through my recovery program to get me through the tough times. These life saving skills are so much better than picking up a drink ever was or ever could be! I am a truly grateful recovering alcoholic who knows that ‘this too shall pass’…just like Bill and Dr. Bob stated in the Big Book. I will continue to take things one day at a time, for it has proven to be the best and only way for me.