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Blame the cold, dark, & dreary days of winter in Cleveland, (excluding this past weekend:). Blame burnout within multiple aspects of my life.  Blame the cycle of sickness among the kids & I.  Blame the lack of motivation to want to do much of anything some days(eek half marathon is 3 months away!!!!).  Blame worrying about everyone else, & not making myself a priority.  Blame the alignment of the sun & the moon.  Ok, maybe that one is a stretch, but man do I need a massive reset button.

Problem is; I’m scared.  There I said it.  In my mind I know exactly what I need to do to get out of this rut, but fear is holding me back….the fear of change.  Why???  Change does not typically freak me out.  I usually grab a hold of it & say hell ya, lets go for it!  But current circumstances are leaving me weary & scared.   My recovery tactics are kicking into overdrive right now.  All the AA-isms, I have read, heard, & spoken of over the last few years are constantly in the forefront of my mind.  I say the serenity prayer at least 20 times a day to clear my head & focus(it is my favorite prayer:).  I will say that being sober & in active recovery at this exact point in time is very helpful & therapeutic.  If I was still drinking the opportunities that are coming my way would not even exist.  If I was still drinking I would not be of sound mind to make any decisions.  If I was still drinking I would be using manipulative tactics to get the results “I thought” were best.  If I was still drinking, I most definitely would not be typing these words, on this blog…

So, needless to say, I am grateful beyond words.  I am sober today, & just for today.  Today, I make decisions just for today.  Today, I talk to those who care & support me, I value their opinions & advice.  Today, I make healthy decisions.  Today, I have decided I need to move forward in certain areas of my life.  ( I’m not joining the circus, or moving to the north pole:).

With that I’m gonna try my hardest to embrace the changes & get out of this rut.  I pray everyday that God will lead me to the right decision.  Some days I do this better than others.  Sometimes I’m not willing to listen (old habits die hard).  I continue to be a work in progress:).   Most importantly, I need to remember that everything happens on God’s time frame, not mine, and change will happen when its supposed to, I just need to be open and ready to embrace it.