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Blame the cold, dark, & dreary days of winter in Cleveland, (excluding this past weekend:). Blame burnout within multiple aspects of my life.  Blame the cycle of sickness among the kids & I.  Blame the lack of motivation to want to do much of anything some days(eek half marathon is 3 months away!!!!).  Blame worrying about everyone else, & not making myself a priority.  Blame the alignment of the sun & the moon.  Ok, maybe that one is a stretch, but man do I need a massive reset button.

Problem is; I’m scared.  There I said it.  In my mind I know exactly what I need to do to get out of this rut, but fear is holding me back….the fear of change.  Why???  Change does not typically freak me out.  I usually grab a hold of it & say hell ya, lets go for it!  But current circumstances are leaving me weary & scared.   My recovery tactics are kicking into overdrive right now.  All the AA-isms, I have read, heard, & spoken of over the last few years are constantly in the forefront of my mind.  I say the serenity prayer at least 20 times a day to clear my head & focus(it is my favorite prayer:).  I will say that being sober & in active recovery at this exact point in time is very helpful & therapeutic.  If I was still drinking the opportunities that are coming my way would not even exist.  If I was still drinking I would not be of sound mind to make any decisions.  If I was still drinking I would be using manipulative tactics to get the results “I thought” were best.  If I was still drinking, I most definitely would not be typing these words, on this blog…

So, needless to say, I am grateful beyond words.  I am sober today, & just for today.  Today, I make decisions just for today.  Today, I talk to those who care & support me, I value their opinions & advice.  Today, I make healthy decisions.  Today, I have decided I need to move forward in certain areas of my life.  ( I’m not joining the circus, or moving to the north pole:).

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With that I’m gonna try my hardest to embrace the changes & get out of this rut.  I pray everyday that God will lead me to the right decision.  Some days I do this better than others.  Sometimes I’m not willing to listen (old habits die hard).  I continue to be a work in progress:).   Most importantly, I need to remember that everything happens on God’s time frame, not mine, and change will happen when its supposed to, I just need to be open and ready to embrace it.

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4 thoughts on “

  1. I get this. I really do. I feel like I’m in a rut too (I mentioned that on the podcast just the other day), and I am hoping that this week off of work will help me press that reset button. Having said that, I wonder if it’s possible to reset without the luxury of time off. Not everyone gets paid vacations, right? so what can I do to help in that department? The Self-Care Police often tell me I need me time, but what is that? Especially when you have kids (and a single parent too, and I have no idea how you guys do that – total props). It’s tough and I don’t have the answer, but I wanted to say I get it, and that the answer is in there, but I am scared to look at it.

    Thanks for this
    Paul

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Paul……its.nice to know that my recovery friends get it…. Fortunately I do get.me time, unfortunately I often use.me time to get other stuff done or work extra… I am making an extra.effort to take.me time.do reflecting and resetting…running helps, but this week I’ve been hit with the creeping crud….
      We will get thru it…we have the tools, we just have to use them😊

      Liked by 1 person

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