Thanksgiving and the holidays are quickly approaching and its at this point in time that I start thinking about my sobriety anniversary as well. I like to reflect on my journey….keeps me humble.
I truly believe in my heart of hearts that I was meant to experience all that I have over the last few years. The heartache, the jealousy, the shame (lots of it), the loss, the anger (lots of that), and the fear….all of it….and I wouldn’t change a damn thing…not one single thing…
Its hard to put into words why and how I exactly feel this way…I just do…. My recovery has been life changing, life altering really. I didn’t just stop drinking, I stopped feeling sorry for myself, I stopped the self loathing, I stopped being afraid of what everyone else thought, I stopped disrespecting myself and everyone who cared about me when I didn’t. If I’m being honest, the not drinking was the easy part. All the other stuff, not so much. It requires attention and work each and every day. Everyday I make a conscious decision to be grateful, to be kind, to be present, to be mindful. I don’t always succeed at everything everyday, I’m not perfect;), but I try.
When I first got sober, not drinking was the most important and biggest challenge. Today, I am grateful I don’t have the urges or cravings to pick up a drink, but I am aware that those feeling could creep back at any moment. Today my biggest challenge is being the best I can be. That means, being grateful for something even if its the crappiest day ever. It means being kind to those who don’t exhibit kindness back, or whom I may not agree with….for I do not know what battles they are up against. It means being a positive, loving example to my kids, my friends, my family, and my co workers; at a time when society is not so positive and loving. It means being honest with myself, and those I care about.
And if I’m being honest, its not always easy living life this way.
Some days are just plain shitty. Some days I want to throw the covers over my head and not speak to anyone. Sometimes I just want to throw a temper tantrum like my son…..I don’t….but I want too…. On days like these, I step back and think how far I have come….it wasn’t that long ago I was drinking every day to numb everything… That my daughter was going to bed by herself because her mom was passed out… That I was unloveable and alone because I couldn’t love myself…and my kids would be better off if I was dead…. Lowest of the low….despair….
Fast forward to today…..
My kids are my world….and they teach me about true unconditional love everyday. I have a new renewed passion for eating well and exercising. My job is taking me to new heights and I am so grateful to be in a career that I truly love. I’m in a healthy relationship that is loving and honest. Fear doesn’t control me, its just a feeling that I acknowledge & move past. I live in the present. I love me.
So yes, I am grateful for going through hell. And yes I was born for this wild wacky journey….I wouldnt want it any other way.
:)ββ€
I love you my friend! You’re such an amazing person and an inspiration for me! Keep doing you!! Hugs & kisses to all 3 of you!! πππββοΈββοΈββοΈ
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A beautiful statement, Katie. I am so proud of you and am grateful for your journey to the present. Prayers for continued growth and hopefilled courage. love you!
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I love you too!
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Outstanding! What I feel today is in what you just put into words…the not drinking was the EASY part but living and LOVING life on life’s terms is priceless very difficult but so well worth the effort βββββ
On Tue, Nov 15, 2016, 9:42 PM singlemomaholicdotcom wrote:
> k2running posted: ” Thanksgiving and the holidays are quickly approaching > and its at this point in time that I start thinking about my sobriety > anniversary as well. I like to reflect on my journey….keeps me humble. I > truly believe in my heart of hearts that I was ” >
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Katie. I am so proud of who you have become and blessed to call you my friend!
Karyn
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Back at ya:) I will always be the devils advocate you love to hateππππ
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