Happiness, contentment, being comfortable in my own skin. 3 attributes that I can confidently say I now hold close to my heart and strive to exhibit each and everyday. Why? Because I have come so far from the scared, lonely, unlovable (in my mind), desperate girl I once was. I now know that fear is just a feeling, it can’t control me. I love the woman I have become and know that I don’t need to or want to compromise my beliefs, integrity, or values for any one or anything. I feel so much hope and am excited for what my future holds.
Does this sound like a whole lot of rainbows and unicorns and pink fluffy cloud crap? Perhaps, but gosh darn it, I feel so damn good:)
Life is just plain fabulous right now, and for once in my life I am not constantly waiting for the ‘other shoe to drop’ so to speak, or waiting for the bad stuff to occur, because I can’t possibly be on the happy train for too long. I finally figured out that I cannot control a darn thing. I am merely along for the ride. That being said, I can choose how I feel and how I want things to affect me. Today, I choose to just be.
A large part of my contentment can be attributed to my renewed interest in fitness. Over the last several months I have embarked on a journey that has led me to a healthier way of eating and enjoying exercise like I used to. I now have a fabulous group of women in my life who push me, support me, and hold me accountable for my actions with regards to health and fitness. I have come to believe that it’s not a coincidence that they entered my life when they did….my 2 year sobriety mark. I am slowly but steadily getting back into the shape I was years ago. It’s so much more than shedding the pounds. Mentally and emotionally I am stronger.
I think the biggest change that I have noticed most recently, is the sparkle in my eye, which to be honest, I never noticed before. I wonder if it actually ever existed? I was so miserable for so many years, I do not think sparkle was even an option. How sad is that?? What makes me proud is that others are noticing it too. Some want to know my ‘secret’. No secret….I had to endure a lot of shit(wouldn’t change it), and worked my butt off to change my behavior, in fact I’m still a work in progress and always will be. But thats OK, I’m happy with that.
So the sparkle it’s legit. My ‘new way’ of living has a whole lot to do with that….more importantly my sobriety and recovery has everything to do with that!
Grateful for my sparkle.☺❤✌