Today I took some pictures of myself and compared them to pictures from late 2015…when I decided it was time to get healthy, as well as pics from 2011 & 2010….the drinking days…
The pictures from my old life are horrible, they actually made me feel uncomfortable. I knew I didn’t look well, but looking back 2 plus years, I see how weary and sick I truly was. No amount of makeup or photo shopping could wipe out the emptiness and sadness that my eyes reveal. I really ‘thought’ I was ok, no problems here,(talk about denial!!). Meanwhile I’m barely holding on to my marriage, my job, my family, my friends, or my sanity. The DUI I got 3 years ago, (March 19th) with my infant son in the car couldn’t even stop me from the insanity. (That’s the exact definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results). So many pictures tell the sad story of what my life had become…ugh!!!!
Fast forward to late 2015. I’ve been sober just shy of 2 years and decide it’s time to get back in shape. My recovery is strong and I want to focus on fitness and nutrition. Before alcohol became my daily obsession, I ran, a lot. Marathons, 1/2 marathons, and more 5 and 10k’s than I could count. I wasn’t fast, but truly enjoyed it. I could go run for an hour or more, and soak up the silence(I often ran with no ear buds), tune into my breathing, and my surroundings. Running became a big part of my spirituality. Unfortunately, drinking soon took over every aspect of my life.
So back in December, I decided to make 2016 the year of Katie. Silly, maybe to some, but I knew I had it in me to get back in shape, I knew it would help my recovery program, and aid in my mental and spiritual well being, not just the physical. I should also mention that I turn 40 in June, a milestone I am looking forward too, and hope to celebrate in healthy style.
In four months I have shed over 20 pounds and 19 inches. Yes, the changes are awesome, but more importantly the sparkle is back in my eye. The pictures of today are completely different than those from a few years ago. It is way deeper than physical. I feel in tune with my self, mentally and spiritually. My emotional well being is in check (most days;).
This is a journey that is just that, a journey. Not a race and its not about the destination, its all about the journey. Every aspect of my life can circle back to my recovery and sobriety..
And you know what, that’s pretty amazing.
Even on my worst day today, it’s never as bad as it was in the past, nor will it be if I keep doing what I am doing, one day at a time.
I stuck around to see the miracle happen and boy am I grateful that I did!