I’m 2 years old today, sober years that is. In many ways I am like a toddler…. Stubborn, inquisitive, fun-loving & snuggly one minute. Fiesty, irrational, & just a plain pain in the ass the next minute. Admitting this is the first step;).
So what has made year 2 different from year 1…
Faith, not fear. Confidence & humility, not self pity or arrogance. Selflessness, not selfishness. Inner peace & mindfulness, instead of restlessness.
Gee, sounds like I stole this ‘stuff’ right out of some self help book. Truth be told I have read a lot about these topics over the last 2 years, but I truely feel & believe that I have attained these attributes or characteristics over the last year or so. Trust me, I still have lots of work to do! They are not always present nor are they always on the forefront of my mind. Just like a toddler, I am sane & learning one minute, unhinged & on the brink of insanity the next. (Have you all figured out I am dealing with an actual toddler at home?;). Fortunately, I am able to reel in my emotions & think rationaly (99.9% of the time), unlike a toddler.
Year 2 in recovery has led me on a path to deeper self discovery. While year 1 was all about the why’s & the how’s of my addiction, to not obsessing about wanting a drink one day at a time, to working 24-7 on the 12steps. To this past year really learning about the true me. Who Katie really is…..what exactly makes me tick, & trying my darnedest to live in the 12 steps.
To be honest, all this self discovery and exploration hasn’t been half bad. I have learned that I am definitely more of an introvert than I originally thought. I enjoy being alone at times. I am a great nurse, kick ass mom & a descent writer. I am a morning person (who would of thought that after many many horrible hangover mornings). I usually root for the underdog & try to look at situations from both sides (which drives my friends crazy;). I am still ultra sensitive (this can be both positive and negative). Honesty is definitely always the best policy. I would like to be in a long term loving relationship, but I am also OK being a single independent gal, (wants vs. needs). I am not as handy as I think I am, (I have learned this the hard way, on more than one occasion;). My past is just that, my past. It doesn’t define me, I am not ashamed of it, & those around me can bring it up, but its not me today. I have let that shit go, I cannot help it if they can’t, (Bless them, change me). I do not miss drinking. The obsession is gone. Thank God! But I am not naive to think that my addiction is not waiting to pounce, always lurking, waiting for me to falter. That’s why I try to live in the 12 steps.
Year 2 has been a pretty good year. Lots of happy memories & some not so happy memories, but such is life. I do think its cool that my sober birthday coinsides with the new year. Twice as much to celebrate & look forward to in the coming year.
So what will year 3 in sobriety & 2016 bring…. My 40th Birthday….eek!….Actually, I am ready, bring it on, I am only just beginning to live the life I am meant to live. Sobriety will be the reason I will be able to celebrate this milestone.
So as I say goodbye to 2015 and hello to 2016, I say Thank you to all those who have supported me when I didn’t believe in myself & gave me a kick in the ass when needed. I hope you will continue to do so in the future if warrented;). My future looks bright & the best is still to come.
Lyrics from the musical Wicked.