Hello friends, followers, & fellow bloggers…. it’s been awhile! I am still sober & entirely grateful every single day, (571 days to be exact😊), & serene (most days). Since this is a blog about my recovery I figured that I should mention that.😊
So what the heck have I been up to, since obviously I haven’t been blogging??!!
Year 2 of recovery is better than the first yet challenging. The craving and temptation are gone. Do I ever think about having a drink? Of course! I’m not perfect, I’m human. Difference is, I know how to handle these feelings, I have the necessary tools in my recovery tool box. I know what will happen if I pick up that one drink…it will be much…& eventually 5th or 6th wont be enough… I am blessed and grateful to wake up everyday with no hangover, no memory lapse, no feeling of shame, & no money lost. I am entirely grateful to go to bed each night sober. I sleep amazingly well😊
When I worry about the what if’s, or the what am I missing??? I get reassurance from my awesome sponsor who kindly reminds me that I am healthy, that I don’t need to be waiting for the ‘other shoe to drop’, so to speak. That I don’t need to be in crisis mode or high alert 24-7. I’m sober, I’m active in my recovery, & I am grateful😊. Life Is good.
So, I am learning more about me. What I want vs. What I need, & that what I want isn’t always necessarily what need, & vice versa. Trust me when I say this isn’t always easy for this control freak, high expectation gal! Just to name a few of my character defects. I am also learning how to set boundaries with certain relationships and individuals in my life. Most definitely a difficult task for a people pleaser like myself. It’s progress, not perfection.😉
I’m also thinking about what I would like to do with the rest of my life…. goals…. dreams….. I love my nursing job, but feel as though I need to expand my horizons. I often think about what It would be like to write book. I love M&M with everything I have, But at times wonder what it would be like to have one more. I wonder if I will get married again, or if I even want to…I have experienced deep true love…I hope for an everlasting relationship, knowing what I know now & what I have experienced the last 571 days.
I want to make a running comeback by my 40th Birthday. I want to take my kids to Disney World (Someday). I want them to know that making mistakes, mental illness, & hard times are all ok, it’s how you handle each situation that matters. It’s ok to ask for help, its ok to not know all the answers.
As I’m writing this, I’m reminded of a song that my Aunt Ruthie mentioned on one of my earlier posts….
It has become my ‘theme song’ of sorts… I’ve come a long way, I don’t know what lies ahead, and I’m ok with that…
Unwritten, by Natasha Bedingfield