I will preface this post with I am far from perfect & I don’t pretend to be, so with that being said; I feel like my expectations have been heightened since I got sober. Maybe it’s because I’m thinking clearly and have cleaned up so much garbage from my past. Maybe it’s because I believe the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous can be the foundation for heathy living for everyone, not just alcoholics. Or maybe it’s because I expect others to change because I have. (See I even use the word on a regular basis!). I say all this even though deep down I know that I can only concern myself with me, and no one else. But that is not always easy. I find myself disappointed in others and myself when a situation or event or even the mundane day-to-day stuff doesn’t go as I had planned. I try to hide my disappointment on the outside, but inside I’m hurt, sad, frustrated, irritated(just to name a few). And mostly at myself. I feel the resentment build within me, almost as if I can’t catch my breath. When I let it get to this point, I must take a step back & look at the facts. The majority of the time these resentments are a direct result of the expectations I have placed on others &/or myself. I really wish there was an easy way to stop this cycle! I have been thinking and praying about this issue a lot lately, I don’t like feeling resentful, it does me no good. Resentments can lead me down a dangerous path, a path my addiction would love to see me on. When I was drinking I resented just about everyone and everything, in fact I resented the fact that my resentments made me drink(if that makes sense), which is typical alcoholic thinking.
I guess when it comes down to it, I just need to focus on the task or day at hand. I can be hopeful. I can (& should) act and not expect. Most importantly I can turn it all over to the big guy upstairs, ‘he’ knows what ‘he’ is doing and what is best for me….’He’ has not let me down. I sometimes forget that….
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