“You’ve always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself”

Glinda,  Wizard of Oz

Ok, so I realize this quote is from a fictional character in a world-famous movie, but it really resonates with me.  For much of my adult life I hid behind the shadows of others, behind shame, and behind fear.  I constantly worried about what others thought of  me and was always the people pleaser. Too many times I compromised my beliefs, my opinions, my wants and needs because I was too afraid to speak up for myself.

When I drank, those fears and insecurities disappeared, or so I thought.  I exuded self-confidence, or so I thought.  I had power, or so I thought.

That’s the cunning, powerful, and baffling part of addiction.  It is the great and masterful impersonator.  An almighty manipulator.  A chameleon ready to pounce at its victims weakest point.

My addiction had all the power, I was fooled time and time again.  It wasn’t until I fully surrendered that my view-point changed.  I took back the power when I admitted that I was (still am) completely and utterly powerless over alcohol.  One drink is too many and 5 or 6 is never enough.

I have the power to make choices. If  I make the choice (God forbid), to pick up a drink, game over.  For this reason I say the First Step whenever need be :”We admitted  we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable.”

Powerless over alcohol, yes, but I am taking back the power over my feelings, my happiness, my beliefs, and my dreams.  Although my power never really disappeared, it was just a bit tarnished.