“You’ve always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself”
Glinda, Wizard of Oz
Ok, so I realize this quote is from a fictional character in a world-famous movie, but it really resonates with me. For much of my adult life I hid behind the shadows of others, behind shame, and behind fear. I constantly worried about what others thought of me and was always the people pleaser. Too many times I compromised my beliefs, my opinions, my wants and needs because I was too afraid to speak up for myself.
When I drank, those fears and insecurities disappeared, or so I thought. I exuded self-confidence, or so I thought. I had power, or so I thought.
That’s the cunning, powerful, and baffling part of addiction. It is the great and masterful impersonator. An almighty manipulator. A chameleon ready to pounce at its victims weakest point.
My addiction had all the power, I was fooled time and time again. It wasn’t until I fully surrendered that my view-point changed. I took back the power when I admitted that I was (still am) completely and utterly powerless over alcohol. One drink is too many and 5 or 6 is never enough.
I have the power to make choices. If I make the choice (God forbid), to pick up a drink, game over. For this reason I say the First Step whenever need be :”We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable.”
Powerless over alcohol, yes, but I am taking back the power over my feelings, my happiness, my beliefs, and my dreams. Although my power never really disappeared, it was just a bit tarnished.