The C word

“Nobody told me how hard and lonely change is”   -Joan Gilbertson

Isn’t that the truth?!  Lately, I have been feeling like I am traveling on an endless road of change, and even though I am surrounded by love & support, I feel like I am alone at  times. So much has changed over the last couple of years, both positive and negative, that I take pause for a moment, chuckle to myself, and think my God must have a wicked sense of humor!

Obviously my drinking affected every aspect of my life and major life changes were necessary in order to save my life, my children, my relationships, my job, …EVERYTHING!   Over the course of my recovery I am learning other aspects of me that could use a tune up.  Wanting to control every aspect of my life, striving for perfection (high expectations),  and being way overly sensitive to just name a few….  seriously, I was a b!#$h! 😆. And I am ok with saying that.

Working on all these changes in behavior and attitudes is not easy and can be lonely.  I have lost friendships and relationships over the course of this journey. In all honesty, I wish these individuals would see me as the woman I am today.  But, it’s not my place to wonder what others think of me.  I must be attentive to my behaviors and make changes if warranted. It takes courage and it takes willingness, two required steps that at times, I just don’t feel like or want to risk taking.  I’m allowed to feel this way, I just can’t stay in this mindset, because I will fall back into old behaviors and attitudes and I definitely do not want to go back down that path.  So I will continue to travel (at times trudge) on this road of change for the better, with those who support me.  Who knows who or what I will find along the way😊

7 thoughts on “The C word

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